Dealing With Loss
by Curt and Mary Remington
The loss of a parent can be traumatic. For the rest of your life, they will not be with you, at least not in body. This can bring up all sorts of feelings. There may be guilt for what you think you should have done. It may bring up fear, as it reminds us of our own mortality, or there may be a sense of aloneness, as there is a void that we feel might not be filled. Of course, there may also be feelings of sorrow and sympathy for the loved one that died. If you have a loved one that died, and you are experiencing these feelings, I’m sorry for your loss. These usually feelings diminish with time.
This article focuses on deceased loved ones and what they are likely to experience, in hopes that will help you with your feelings about their death. Knowing what I know now, I tend to view death as another step in our spiritual journey, rather than as a tragic loss. No matter how you look at it though, the loss of a parent, or someone else you’re close to, is always difficult.
Where Do Deceased Loved Ones Go?
As part-time clairvoyants, my wife and I have communicated with many people/spirits that have crossed over, including our own fathers. Both of them, and plenty of other spirits we’ve dealt with, were happy to be free of their tired, ill or worn out bodies. We also find that most spirits are very happy in heaven, or the spirit world (if you prefer), and they are free of some of the issues that may have troubled them on earth. Their personality doesn’t completely change, so might still be holding on to some negative traits. If all spirits were perfect, our spiritual path would be pretty short. For a description of heaven, please see my Science and Heaven article.
Psychically, we usually ask what they are doing in heaven, and we have heard quite a variety of answers. Many of them watch over their loved ones, or at least check in on them regularly. They spend time reviewing their life, and then they may move on to heavenly jobs or specialties, like guiding, teaching or helping spirits that are just returning from earth. Spirits also have creative forms of recreation, and they visit with each other. Eventually, they’re likely to opt for another life on earth, to work on more lessons, and to help others with their lessons. This may not be for years.
Part of the sense of loss we feel is that they are missing from our life. It may seem that way, but it may not truly be the case. Your loved one is already very psychic and can hear you, when you have something to say. By using my meditation exercises, you’ll increase your own psychic receptivity and be better able to hear from them too. With my own father, I’ve had plenty of conversations and dealt with issues that never got resolved while he was alive. In life, our relationship stayed pretty superficial.
When you do have something to say to them, that you never got around to saying, go ahead and say it now. I can assure you that when you think of them, it’s like making a phone call. Whatever you say, or think, is almost certainly going to be heard. You may even hear back from them. They may appear in a dream, or you may get an immediate thought, feeling or a spiritual sign.
Spiritual Signs or Messages
What’s a spiritual sign? For me, a great example happened on the drive home from my rafting trip. After a long day of rafting first, then driving most the day, I came into Seattle quite tired. Along the freeway, I noticed a sign that said to pull to the side, in case of a fender bender. Now that was an actual sign, but it seemed odd that it caught my attention. Those signs are spaced regularly along the freeway. Next, an image of a rear-ending popped in my mind, causing me to become alert. The traffic that had been moving smoothly suddenly halted. I hit my brakes before rear-ending the car in front of me. Then, I thanked the spirit that sent me that sign, or at least made sure that I noticed it.
Actually, I believe that spirit was one of my guides, but deceased loved ones can send similar signs. On another occasion, my radio’s volume suddenly jumped, for a brief part of a song. I noted the significance of the lyrics and sensed the message came from my dad.
A friend of ours asked if we could check in on her father and her father-in-law, both whom had died within the past year. Before her father’s death, she had asked him to send a rainbow to let her know that he’s okay. She now notices a lot more rainbows, not only outdoors but also as the sunlight passes through a window or light shines through an ornament. When my wife Mary did the reading, we learned that our friend’s dad now does work related to creating with energy. As to the rainbows, he commented, “aren’t they great.”
Other signs I’ve heard of include messages through pennies, butterflies or other unusual animal activity. Stay alert to something out of the ordinary. If you sense that it’s a sign from your loved one, you’re probably right.
Stuck Spirit or Ghost
Although the vast majority of spirits have a smooth transition to the spirit world, we’ve found that’s not always the case. When Mary contacted our friend’s father-in-law, he at first seemed confused and then relieved to hear from her. He had been trying to talk to people, but no one would acknowledge him. Mary soon realized that he had been stuck in a ghostly state, not really sure what had happened. Mary assured him that she’d visit him again soon and do what she could to help.
We learned more about his case, finding that he’d suffered from Alzheimer’s and had died in the middle of the night. Alzheimer patients spend a good deal of time out of their body, but at a lower vibration than heavenly spirits. They can also take some of their confusion with them, when they’re out of their body. Apparently, he hadn’t realized his body died, and he was at too low a vibration for advanced spirits to reach and help him. We researched what steps to take in order to help him raise his vibration and move on to a higher plane.
Mary went into a meditative state to contact him and found him anxiously waiting for her. She assured him that everything would be okay and talked to him about his passing. Then, she asked if she could introduce him to some loving spirits that would come to help him. He agreed, and almost immediately, two bright, angelic looking beings descended and whisked him upward. As he left, he said, “you’re a good person,” apparently confident that he was on his way to a better place. The next day, one of his daughters received a psychic message from him, telling her not to worry, that everything was all right. Until then, she hadn’t heard from him.
A number of months later, we spent ten days in Wisconsin, staying with Mary’s own father, Fran, at her parent’s townhome. He also had dementia, spent plenty of time out of his body and had rapidly fading health, due to cancer. Four of us staying there had strange and vivid dreams, like one of mine that involved fighting off bears that turned into criminals.
Mary’s Father, Fran
I got up and meditated, to learn the cause of this strange dream activity. I found, as I had expected, that Fran’s spirit was out of his body a lot, was very agitated, and was on a lower astral plane (state of vibration). I worked on bringing up his vibration and the vibration level of the townhome, while out low vibration energy. See my article on grounding, if you want to learn how to do this. I also noticed a tunnel and light above us, somewhat off in the distance. I explained to Fran that that’s where he needed to go, once he was ready.
The next day, I worked again at bringing up the vibration and talking to his spirit. Once I explained what I’d been doing, Mary began working with him. She also checked in with one of his spirit guides, comforted him and helped her mother as much as she could. Fran remained surprisingly pleasant, sleeping a lot and enduring visitors questions and interruptions while he waited anxiously for his time to come. After our ten days there, we flew home, having many schedule commitments in Washington. The day after our return home, he died.
Upon learning of his death, Mary’s face flushed and she broke into tears, even knowing his passing was the best thing and that she’d be talking to him again. She booked a flight to return to Wisconsin a few days after we had left. At her mother’s request, she started to work on a eulogy. Part of what she wrote had come to her in a dream, almost a year before. Mary checked in with her father, finding him to be doing quite well. He heartily approved the eulogy adding a few suggestions. You can find it at the end of this page.
Although it’s only been three weeks now, we’ve heard from him a number of times. He let us know that his passing went smoothly, that he is free of any confusion and that he is very happy to be where he is. He also said that the work we did helped him considerably, and that he will be staying in contact.
Eulogy for Dad
Mary got lots of wonderful compliments on the eulogy and on her delivery of it. It’s a bit long, but here it is:
When I look around this room today, I see so many friends, family and loved ones. I see a lifetime of memories. I see a room filled with love and I’m sure Dad is very touched and humbled by this outpouring of support.
Just like so many other times when we’d gather to celebrate for a birthday, a holiday, an anniversary or just for fun; this too can be time to celebrate; to celebrate Dad’s life and the wonderful spirit that he was and still is.
When asked to deliver a eulogy, I struggled with how to approach it, what to say, how to honor dad who meant so much to so many. How can you sum up in a few minutes, what took a lifetime to create.
I decided that I would talk about a few things that I think made up Dad’s essence, which hopefully will resonate with some or all of you. The word “essence” can have several definitions.
– An attribute of set of attributes that makes something what it fundamentally is.
– The predominant qualities of virtues which belong to someone on which they depend for being what they are.
– Or the essence of a person can be the soul, the spirit and the core of his or her being.
When I think about Dad, the first attribute that comes to my mind is courage. Duing his life, he was faced with life threatening illness more than once. He was diagnosed with cancer, for the first time, in 1982 and again in 1985. He also had heart valve surgery in 1997 and surgery again on his carotid artery in 2005. More recently, of course, was his struggle with dementia and cancer once again. Dad rarely complained and he showed very little fear (at least on the outside). He seldom took pain meds, and he usually had a pretty good attitude, given the circumstances. He never gave up, and he never lost hope. Up until now, he defied the odds that were against him. His faith and his family always kept him going.
Another attribute would be responsibility. Dad was always very reliable. He took his responsibilities seriously. I remember he was always up at the crack of dawn to go to work at 5:30. He would work all day, arriving back home mid afternoon to start in on whatever the next tasks there were that needed doing, projects around the house, yard work, etc. he would then start dinner and have that well on its way before Mom got home from work. His only down time, that I remember, was a little TV in the evening before bed. Whenever something needed fixing, no matter how long it took, how tedious it was, how much cursing went into it, he did the job. He was very disciplined. He knew what hard work was. He was also very thrifty, a real penny pincher. I rarely remember him farming out work to anyone (except to us kids).
Another attribute would have to be humor. There was always lots of teasing and countless jokes, including practical jokes, at someone else’s expense of course. His sense of humor was like therapy for Dad. He knew how to make people laugh. There was the speaker in the pumpkin on Halloween, sending children screaming and running. During a neighborhood camping trip, he scratched on a neighbor’s tent, earning himself the nickname Franny Bear. And of course, there were his wise cracks on the golf course, as he explained how it should be done. (Curt shortened the jokes for brevity.)
Dad was definitely an outdoorsman. He had a strong connection with nature. He could always identify the different plants and trees. He was like a regular guide when it came to knowing the many species of wildlife. To this day, when I hear birds singing, I think of Dad. He knew birds and could even imitate their sounds. He was a skilled whistler. He spent much of his time hunting, fishing, digging gingseng root and golfing. He was also an artist, and most of his paintings and creations portrayed his love for nature. I always thought that he was most at peace when he was in nature. Even to the very end, sitting outdoors and gazing out at the landscape, going for a drive in the countryside and watching the birds outside the window at the feeder were some of his favorite pastimes.
These are just a few of the many things I could say about Dad. Unfortunately we’d here all day if I were to talk about all of them, but I will say one more thing. Dad was a man of few words, when it came to expressing his feelings, but how he felt was usually written all over his face. If he was able to talk to us all today, I think he’d say something like this:
– He had a good life and is grateful for everything he had.
– I think he’d say to all of you that are gathered here and those that could not be here, thank you for being my friends and for sharing your lives with me.
– I think he’d say to the church, thank you for keeping me grounded in my faith and for all of your prayers.
– I think he’d say to his kids, good job. I’m proud of you and I love you.
– And last, but certainly not least, I think he’d say to Mom, you were my rock through good times and bad. You are my best friend. Words cannot express how much I love you and how grateful I am to have been able to share my life with you.
Over the past few days, when I feel myself feeling sad and needing to have a good cry, I kept hearing the same four words pop into my mind.
Those four words are, “be happy for me.”
It made me feel better. Be happy for Dad. He no longer suffers. He’s no longer in pain. He’s free. Thank you
Lovely. Thank you for this.
Occasionally i wonder about why society has become like this. It really is just depressing . I’m gonna go drink a beer and loosen up right now! I am sorry if i got everybody down.